I have long been pondering the subject of body image. And by long, I mean, pretty much since I started into my major as social work. I have always been passionate about everyone loving their bodies no matter what but I also had it "easy" for a long time. And by easy, I mean that my body fit into the world's view of an acceptable body.
I have always had a little bit of weight fluctuation, everyone does, but never really gained a good amount of weight to affect the way my clothes fit. Until I got married. Yes, I fit into the stereotype of a woman who got married and lost herself. Or do I?
This is a hard topic for me to discuss for a lot of reasons. I could probably write a 10-page paper solely on my opinions of body image. As I mentioned, I have gained some weight since I've been married that has been hard for me to accept. Go ahead and laugh...but unfortunately, it's true. My motivation for this post is simply to get those who read this to see body image in a new light. Or maybe you already have and I'm preaching to the choir. In any case, I hope you can read this and appreciate my philosophical and witty narrative.
I have always been small. At 5'2", I am the tallest I'll be. With that, came a small body frame and a weight that would be considered "skinny." I had always loved my body and didn't understand why there were girls who hated their body so much that it affected their daily lives. I lived an active life, playing soccer, running track, preferring to jump on a friend's trampoline instead of watching a movie, even in high school. I had a great mom who made excellent, well-balanced meals. Sure, I drank pop and ate junk just like any other teenager but my lifestyle made up for it. When I started college, I simply didn't have the money to indulge in food like I did at home and I also continued to be pretty active. When I got married, things changed. When I think about it, there are several things that factored into my weight gain since being married. Here are a few: most likely the hormones of being on birth control; I went from having six roommates who I could always be doing something with to having one roommate who was at school more often than I was; I found me a husband who loved me for who I was so probably subconsciously it made less of a difference if I gained a little weight; and soon after getting married, I graduated and got a full-time, super stressful job that would cause upheaval in anyone's life. Basically, I went through a lot of life changes. After our first 6 months of getting married, I probably gained a good 5-8 pounds. Not much, but I definitely noticed a difference and felt fat. However, once I quit my full-time, super stressful job about a year and a half into marriage, I quickly became more of a couch potato, with little motivation to exercise at this point. I'd already gotten fat, what difference will it make if I gain more weight? Now, almost 2 years into marriage, I am a good 15 pounds heavier than when I got married. By no measurements would I be considered obese or fat from a medical standpoint. However, I feel fat. So fat that I became ashamed of my body. 5'2" and 128 pounds. What a disgrace.
Knowing my background, let's now discuss my coming to the light experience. It's been coming slowly but surely with my slow but sure weight gain. As I look around me and see the beautiful people in my life who don't feel beautiful because they hate their bodies, it makes me sad. Then I come home and feel disgusted with my body when I look in the mirror. Thankfully, I was raised by good parents who taught me my self worth and what it is truly based on. Or what we believe self worth to be based on anyway. I am a daughter of God who loves me. God gave me this unique body to do His work and to be an instrument in His hands. Because of this belief, it's hard for me to hate myself. And I saw children around me who were carefree and beautiful and it made me even more sad to think that someday they might struggle with self-esteem simply because they didn't have a size 0 body. I saw my niece who is 8 years old and as beautiful and sweet as they come worrying about the fact that the tape measure no longer was at 16 inches when she put it around her waist. I thought about myself at one of my lowest times in life and it had to do with weight. I thought of my future children who I pictured mimicking my desire for a skinny body and felt bad. Do I want my children to feel that way? Not at all. I want to teach my children so much more. I want them to know that they are beautiful and talented and children of God.
So I started thinking about my actions in my daily life. I told Joe that we were going to stop using the words "fat" and "skinny" in our house. That included me. Which is still a process, but I'm working on it. If I am going to send a message to my children someday, those changes need to start now. I am slowly working on changing my focus from being skinny to being healthy. I also look at other women who do love themselves for who they are. I have tried to emulate their confidence and beauty in being who they are. This doesn't mean that I am advocating not taking care of your body, no matter it's size, but to love it no matter your situation. We all have moments when we eat unhealthier than we should and when we don't exercise enough. That's ok. The key is to not letting those moments turn into habits.
I found an article discussing 15 ways to raise children with a healthy body image. I wanted to share it in hopes that you might think of incorporating these into your own life or the lives of your children. Not every tip fits for every person or family, just like there is not one way to define beauty. I personally would like to incorporate a few of them, including pointing out the beauty of diversity in people and nature – nurturing the idea that beauty is diversity.
We are not meant to be the same. We all have different purposes and different talents and things that make us beautiful. Let's embrace that and take care of ourselves, both mentally and physically. I hope all of us can learn to love ourselves for who we are even while working to better ourselves. Let's strive to be healthier and more active, strive to live more fulfilling lives, and most of all, strive to see ourselves as a loving Father in Heaven sees us - as souls with great worth.
